Emerald.

Written on Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Tonight we talked about our hopes and fears and expectations for this semester. I realized that one thing I am absolutely expecting to do is a bit strange. I expect to cry. Apart from all of the other things that I think will happen, in my classes and on field trips and hikes and in relationships, I expect to cry. I know it sounds odd, but that is my natural reaction to most really intense emotions. It’s as if my body can’t actually contain any more of whatever it’s feeling, so it slides down my cheeks in little salty drops. I’ve never been exceptionally fond of this quality of mine, and at times I’ve really hated it, but it is not really for me to choose, and most of the time I just accept it as something that will probably always be there. Confession of the day: during the lighting of the beacons scene of Return of the King, when the amazing music is playing and you just see fire after fire being lit on these incredibly beautiful mountaintops, I cry every time. Seriously. Every time. So I expect I will cry when I hit a homesick week and start missing things and people in the States. But I’ll also cry when I have to leave these wonderful people in this wonderful place, both of which I’ve already grown extremely attached to. I’ll probably cry when I look at broken environments, and ones that have been torn apart by invasives, but also when I am on the tops mountains and it is so beautiful that it hurts. I guess what I’m really saying is that I expect this semester to bring out extremes. New Zealand is a land of extremes in many other ways, and I don’t see myself being an exception. And yet: I’m so excited for it.